| s o f t p y r a m i d s |
[Jan. 9th, 2004|03:51 pm] |

Soft pyramids evaporate at daylight. Internationally fashioned, like disease. Patterned always yes, (maybe no). This soft is bulding the softest buildings. This soft is raising the firmest ceilings. This soft is dimming the brightest cities every night at midnight. How can we ask for a blanket and a habitat? How can we ask for a place. We can't imagine it. How can we ask for the brightest cities overnight? Please pick (select) a color for your chequelist. Kiss every comma in your chequelist. How can we ask for a blanket and a habitat? How can we ask for the best? We can't imagine that. The softest blackout is still soft and black, outside and in. Clue me in. |
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| soaked in cinnamon |
[Jan. 9th, 2004|03:06 pm] |
| [ | I feel |
| | blank | ] |
| [ | I hear |
| | Dead poetic - stereo child | ] | Wow, I wrote two days in A ROW, all while not having the internet. This kid at my school thought my mom was seriously a priest. People like him make me laugh. ...I've never been to a catholic church in my life. I've sort of been slipping in and out of depression, maybe it's because of depravation. I want to get out of my ufly (UFLY!) house and hang out with people. Dovie: Can I come over? like my mom doesnt want me going anywhere but we can like...hang out(gossip about "JESSE") But today WAS SO BEAUTIFUL, a little snow, not enough. We got out of school at 2:30 SCHOOL WAS SO BORING TODAY, well I mean we never do any work, you would think the sophomore class would be a little challenge. I bet I could do the senior work and pass everything but math (in my school that is) Oh I have a 4-h meeting tonight (big social kid event) our group has like 4 people in it. Me, sara, jade, and this nerdy kid that knows everything. Oh yeah, and like 20 little kids. Sometimes this 12 year girl that dresses like a whore comes...and oh yeah, jimmy comes....ugh. I think I have bad luck with the name jimmy. I know three and either like or have liked them all. w00t! I think I am going to get a mewithoutyou hoodie. All the kids at school will be like "WHO IS THAT? DID YOU MAKE THAT TOO??" Maybe I should dye my hair dark blue and get kicked out.
My journal entrys are always so long. I think I may move to live journal for the fact I know more people on their.
in school today in the "girls" study hall class thing,we had to pick names out and write nice stuff about the name we got (or person ahah) and I made up stuff like...Your pretty(but not as pretty as me...aha) You have nice handwriting(oh what a compliment)
yeah and some girl whom I have no clue who wrote it they wrote something like...
she has a cool sense of style she is a christian she has pretty eyes She has nice hair she is funny She is pretty
maybe something else. It's so funny though because no one there REALLY knows anything about me. At least it wasn't like "she is a hard worker and likes red" Although I do like red. |
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[Jan. 8th, 2004|04:51 pm] |
I am sitting at a friends house in the dark at a computer desk. I told myself no more falling "in love" with boys. HA! ...I wonder who all reads my journal, haha I can change the names like they do in those magazines to protect "identity". Anyways, first there is him. Him, perfect guy, I love him so much(used loosely I add)...but he is a senior and has a girlfriend(last he said)...oh darn. ...Then at school. OH OH OH yes the girl I hated most left. I think I danced all day. I am still dancing. She leaves and all the guys are...nice to me...ahaha. I got my hair cut all snazzy. I came back to school and this guy named Tom (You know the "hottest" guy in school they say. but its so small that doesnt say much, all the rest are fat creepy or weird) and he is like "I really like your haircut, it makes your face more beautiful. Your eyes are really pretty too." I thought this was maybe some cruel joke. I guess it wasn't though. I think he is the ONLY guy in my school that has half decent taste in music. (score?) Anyways I'm tired of getting screwed around with, with guys so... I was listening to this guy speak last night at the coffee house, and he started talking about friends. Like how everyone should have friends they can trust, and tell everything, tell your faults to, do things with all the time, and so on. I was thinking, you know what...I don't have any of those. I mean I have friends at school, and other friends. I can't trust them though. I don't have friends that I can go out and do stuff with. I have dovie, she's a wall-flower though, she complains a lo(haha thats all I do in this journal) and doesn't have a life...at all, she is wrapped around her mom's finger and likes to gossip CONSTANTLY. Then Jade, I never see her, she is cool but still so younger than me, she doesnt really have the same interests as me. And Sara, probably the only person I talk to about myself, but I never see her....and stuff. Maybe I am just "too picky" or something. Nah. I have had the same three friends forever. Or off and on friends. I think thats why I wanted to move you know, to get out of this STUPID town. Get new friends, maybe friends who like the same stuff as me. No such luck. But If I see dead poetic in Saint Louey in a few weeks, all love will soon be half restored. I wish I had guy friends, all my friends are girls AH! it is killing me.
well im done with blabbing, i cant really type much right now.
but
YOU DYED YOUR HAIR BLUE!!!!! |
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| Merry freakin' Christmas |
[Dec. 25th, 2003|02:58 am] |
| [ | I feel |
| | awake | ] |
| [ | I hear |
| | Ollie Otson - Dead Poetic | ] | Well it is 3-oh-clock AM Indiana time
So far my Christmas has been quite the enjoyable
It all started Last week, my friend sara came to the CRAZY Christmas play my school was having. HAHA I wasn't even in it. They were pitiful. This preppy snob kid named katy is like "I am going to be an actress *lyke* Hillary Duff when I grow up. Im going to be rich" Okay hun, you daddy gets 90 bucks an hour so sure the rich parts going to be right...but the acty singy thing....UHM
anyways sara hands me this package and its this TBS cd so Im like "yay" and the school kids are like "IS THAT RAP?" and Im like "uh no" and they are like "well you are a dumb loser then"
AND yesterday, I get home from getting my new haircut, quite short and "hot emo girlish" (in my strawberry dreams) and my brother is like WE GOT PRESENTS. ...I knew it wasnt from my parents because they hadn't gone shopping yet /lack of money\ and It was like "anonymous gift (from uh anonymous people)" So anyways we open up our gifts (MY BROTHER ALWAYS GETS TOYS) and I got some clothes...and wow they were nice. I hadn't had nice expensive store boughten clothes in forever... I mean I get joyous when I get wal-mart clothes, ya know. I got this super nice sweater, and polo thing...and uh well these pants that I think I may return because, despite my parents saying I looked like an old lady...or adult. They came up to my belly button...WOAH now. talk about UP THERE. But it was a nice gift[s] And today, before we left for grandmas, we got out presents from mom and dad. I got a portable CD player (amen)...but it's already broken...fuzzy noise, so we will take it back. AND I got a polka dotted scarf thing <3 love those dots. Tonight we got to grandma's. Some of my cousins I hadn't seen in a year, then the others like 3. I felt as if I was walking into a room of teenagers whom I didnt know. Kind of odd feeling, i got the [sometimes usual]comments as "You are SO tall" or "OH MY GAWSH YOU HAVE LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT"(hahaha i think it was just me getting taller) and "YOU LOOK LIKE YOUR 19"(*cough*yeah I know, 21 one year olds hit on me all the time...thats another story though) fun stuff. I opened my stocking present thing and got the normal popcor, hot chocolate, little jewelry socks odds and ends stuff, and AND yes AND a Dead poetic CD *B-swoon'd* It seems that I am getting 3 or 4 more cd's but they were just on back order. That makes my sweet little day. I also got a Thrice and the first relient K cd from someone. I asked for Coheed and Cambria, and silverstein but I dont think I am getting those.
I am so thankful though. This Christmas we have been so blessed. Some friends gave us money to be able to come up here(to my grandmas) and some people bought us food, then some people bought us hay for our horses('spensive stuff Yeo) and gave us money for food and gas. And all these gifts. I wish I could give more stuff to people. I feel so bad, I whine about my dumb life and a lot of people don't even houses. I am such a brat.I mean what's a not having phoneline or not having water for a day...nothing, at least we have (haha barely) a house. God is good.
I think I have filled the whole blasted thing up. I could babble on about how school is rancid, but I am not in school currently. I keep losing weight. it's odd. WELL AFTER this weekend I will be fat again, all that junk. ...holidays always come when I am trying to not eat food. I am sick of soda... I am going to stop drinking it. I have a soda every two weeks. Drinking it right now, nothing else. Maybe milk. haha I hate soda, I am drinking it now, therefore I am a hypocrite. Aren't we all...
I think it was Aristotle who had the 3 principle philosophy thing(dont kill me if it isnt him)
So basically it's like
People have tounges
My shoe has a tounge
So therefore my shoe is a person.
Ah Shaddup.
<3Vanessa
-3:46 AM |
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| fragmented Idea's and too many pronouns |
[Dec. 20th, 2003|03:58 pm] |
| [ | I hear |
| | little girl screaming with glory fills her lungs. | ] | Literate and stylish Kissable and Quiet
That's what girls dreams are made of... ....That's all you need to know
you have it or you dont
you know I cant help it....
Well I am still gone yes. I got a wonderful taking back sunday cd. <3 5x. throw out to the friends who let me get on their computers.
Merry Christmas, may the egg nog fill your mouth (egg nog ice cream SCORE!) |
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[Dec. 7th, 2003|12:11 am] |
| [ | I hear |
| | animal calls-q and not u (okay im not really listening to it | ] | Well, my internet got shut off....or should I say both of my phone lines. I wont be posting for a while unless I get on at friends house to check email
I love you (oh journal you)Marry Christmas
(email me)
Poor me. Stuck at Grandmas. O_O |
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| bah |
[Nov. 30th, 2003|11:15 pm] |
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I've been so sick today, I woke up and my temp. was 104. It's down now to 100. I just got on right quick to check my mail. Being sick is miserable. I guess I'm not going to school tomorrow...been watching old hitchcock movies. (yay for him!) |
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| does your throat have music in it? |
[Nov. 29th, 2003|04:03 pm] |
| [ | I hear |
| | Apathy season - only me ( I don't care for the screamer :[) | ] | I haven't posted in forever. I'm sick right now. I woke up last night and couldn't breath, my throat was full of mucus(yeah nasty but this is my journal) and so was my nose. I dont know if not breathing woke me up or the dog barking did. My fever has been 104 all night and day, it's down to 100 now. I probably shouldn't be on the computer but there is nothing on tv, I can't sleep(even though I am terribly tired), and I don't know, hehe.
My thanksgiving was wonderful, well I guess. I woke up, watched a parade, did nothing all day, then when my mom got home from work we had turkey. It was YUMMY too.
We rented movies last night, 3 movies for two bucks, what a deal. We got some movie for my brother and The rope (an alfred hitchcock film <3)
Channing sent me some kill hannah pictures for me to drool over, but she was telling me of this puzzling thing you see
Channing says- guy, you see?
Channing says- now, they say they've never changed members. he's got a nice rack FOR BEING A GUY (??!?!?)
Yeah we were just talking about that, I don't know much about the band themselves but it made me chortle.
haha, made more home videos, only this time with sara and my brother. Funny funny stuff. Me dancing to the all american rejects with a giant quilt (and too much sugar at supper time) ...Sara and I, we are so punk rawk that, we will are going to put our shoes on and sit on the roof, then, then, we will be, punk rawk(erz).
[think i used enough commas in that sentence]
OH MAN I COULD HAVE SEEN CALIBRETTO IN CONCERT MONDAY. second chance in a period of a week but nooooooooooooo we didnt have enough "money". *grumps*
It snowed all day yesterday ;d it didnt stick but it was pretty. AND I saw a really cute guy at wal-mart.
OH YEAH ahaha okay we were at family video and there were these "skater" type kids with there "buff" motorcycle looking dad (ow the one kid had a lip ring <3) and they are all tough looking, they get up to the checkout and the lady says "Alright do you want daddy daycare for five days or one day?" And I CRACKED up because these guys looked all tough and they were renting daddy day care....hahaha...uh well you had to be there. |
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[Nov. 25th, 2003|08:40 pm] |
| [ | I hear |
| | The early november- something that produces results | ] | ---Appearance--- HEIGHT: 5 something HAIR COLOR: reddish brown <3 SKIN COLOR: white? EYEBROWS: brown EYE COLOR: green ABOUT EARS: they are ear-like ABOUT LIPS: they get chapped ABOUT TONGUE: It's like VELVET MUSCLES: What muscles? STYLE: uh...Sweaters, all my shirts have collars on them, band shirts, jeans, chucks sometimes... PIERCINGS: none(burnnnnnn) ---Right Now--- WHAT COLOUR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: Blue pants I got from goodwill WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: Bike scene TBS WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?: chili WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?: REAL cold HOW ARE YOU?: Cold.
---Do you...--- GET MOTION SICKNESS?: no way, bring on the circles! HAVE A BAD HABIT?: Picking my nose...no, uh biting my lip GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: Most of the time...not..well LIKE TO DRIVE?: Oh yeah! Corn feilds!
---Favorites--- TV SHOW: everwood(the only show I watch) SHAMPOO: Garnier Fructis, or infusium BOOK: not sure MAGAZINE: HM and journeeeeeeeys NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Jones soda, I had one today YUM THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: sleep, NOTHING! BAND: so many...right now Calibretto or me without you. HANGOUT: Coffee house even those kids there are mean FEELING: Whenever a guy you like says hi to you or hugs you or kisses you DOG BREED: chocolate lab! w00t
---Have you...--- BROKEN THE LAW: Yeah, I jay-walked the other day RAN AWAY FROM HOME: Not really EVER CHEATED ON A TEST: UH! I MAKE GOOD GRADES ON MY OWN! STAYED UP TILL FOUR ON THE PHONE: no...no one to talk to SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: HAHA no I live in the country EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING: You wish. MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: Hi dominos, I want to buy ONE piece of pepperoni, do you sell that? EVER TIPPED OVER A PORTA POTTY: HAHA no but I should...with someone in it. EW USED YOU PARENTS' CREDIT CARD BEFORE: Yessm SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: NEVER EVER *angel* FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: LOL almost BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY: Yeah... "Draw all the backgrounds by tomorrow BY YOURSELF" CRIED IN PUBLIC: All the time LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER: yeah
---Love--- BOYFRIEND: I wish... GIRLFRIEND: SEXUALITY: I love emo boys CHILDREN?: I dont want to go through that pain, but kids are fun! I want one CURRENT CRUSH?: secret. BEEN IN LOVE?: Yes. HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE: Oh Yeah baby. BEEN OUT WITH SOMEONE: Yeah.. TOO SHY?: WITH WES I WAS...the creep BEEN HURT?: uh huh HAVE YOU EVER SAID "I Love You" and meant it? Not to there face YOUR GREATEST REGRET: Kissing that one boy...BUT KISSING IS FUN WHO WAS YOUR FIRST BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND: wes....that was a lame relationship GONE OUT WITH A SOMEONE YOU ONLY KNEW FOR THREE DAYS: HAHA yeah right...my friends do that not me. HAVE HAD/HAVE AN ONLINE RELATIONSHIP: Online friends.
---Random--- DO YOU HAVE A JOB: No YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW: calibretto-enter the danger brigade, and the saddle creek 50
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE?: black WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?: Music, boys, concerts WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?: I have a huge list.... WHO DO YOU CONSIDER GOOD FRIENDS?: Someone who you do a lot of stuff with and can talk to about anything WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?: Draw, talk on the internet, listen to music, go to concerts, listen to travis talk about all the hopelessness he has with girls(HA) HOW DO YOU WANT TO DIE?: "My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me, so wont you kill me so I die happy."
---When/what was the last...--- TIME YOU CRIED? :cough: today in the car and during school. YOU GOT A REAL LETTER?: last month YOU GOT E-MAIL: today A DUMB FORWARD THING YOU PURCHASED: lunch at school TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED: NOVA!!! rock me. MOVIE YOU SAW AT THE THEATER: I don't remember
---Your thoughts on...--- ABORTION: people are cruel TEENAGE SMOKING: ew smelly. PMS: WHY GOD WHY? SPICE GIRLS: HAHAHAAHAHAHAAHA
DREAMS: I have weird dreams. |
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[Nov. 25th, 2003|07:33 pm] |
| [ | I hear |
| | calibretto- soul stalker *swoon* | ] | Today was horrible.
think today is go wild day
today in bioligy, there is this really creepy kid that is perverted and no one likes, and I feel sorry for him but the guys (those losers) were all picking on him really bad and he started like going into a drance and banging his head against the desk and the dorks were like "KEEP DOING IT" and were being complete sick minded kids and then were saying "oh what if he brings a gun to school "WELL if he does who cares im going to heaven"(yeah then ten minutes later is like GET THE EFFIN HELL OUT OF MY FACE lol) and I seriously was so scared because the kid was going in trances and his face was turning red and I thought maybe he would have a knife or something in his pocket(he got kicked out for one before). I was the only girl(or any kid) with enough guts to tell those guys to shut up....it didnt work and they hate me now but at least I dont know....they told him he's so stupid that he should just commit suicide and no one would care. It makes me so sad how cruel people can be, AND these "christian" kids just sit there and laugh or say nothing....gee I love my Christian school. I was sitting there sweating and praying, I think God stopped the kid from freaking out on these guys.
Anyways I hate my school and friends.
But when I think my life is bad something happens to people around me and I feel dumb for being sad..but im still sad |
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| for every dream, there is a nightmare. |
[Nov. 23rd, 2003|05:44 pm] |
| [ | I feel |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | I hear |
| | calibretto - KGB | ] | Somewhere, there is someone who dreams of your smile, And finds in your presence that life is worthwhile. So when you are lonely, remember it's true, That somebody, somewhere, is thinking of you.
Right now, I find that a little hard to grasp. |
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[Nov. 20th, 2003|09:59 pm] |
| [ | I feel |
| | like my face is burning | ] |
| [ | I hear |
| | the tv- w00t | ] | Well, not much to say, going to be gone friday and saturday.
'George' still wants to stalk me
my friend got in a car wreck(with a concussion, ouch)
still planning on moving.
The show must go on!
We got a video camera today(well borrowed it) and I was messing with it, and lip syncing to the white stripes. I wish I could mail it to travis, haha. |
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[Nov. 19th, 2003|10:39 pm] |
| [ | I feel |
| | sad | ] |
| [ | I hear |
| | In the cold cold night - the white stripes | ] | moving moving moving! Yeah, that's us. Don't know where but I know it's going to happen, We never move where I want though, that would only be too good. I told my 'school' friends about it and they are like "oh that's nice" and went back to working...so much support. Today at school I was writing, yeah, In one of those sort of depressed moods though you know? And My friend start saying it out loud and im like HEY, Dont read my junk! and she's like OH OH OH im sorry I uh already read the whole thing then she takes it and shows it to another girl and then two other girls, and the shy kid I am just hides behind my hair. This one girls like "DO YOU REALLY FEEL THAT WAY" "YOU'RE A FREAK" "that sounds like all edgar allen poe-ish" and they all looked at me weird. I wanted to die.
OH YEAH and this creepy creepy kid, I will call him George just in case he is stalking me and reads my journal. I was telling me friends about me moving and he is like "Vanessa, If you move I will have to move with you" I was like uhhhh why oh creepy kid that thinks all the girls and female teachers are hot..."Because I can't live without you, I want to go everywhere you go" OKAY I ALREADY TURNED YOU DOWN THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL WHEN YOU SENT ME LOVE NOTES....I pity him though because he is so scary and weird no one likes him, okay I mean, I hang out with the losers but he...he like, I'm scared he will rape me or something...he is like twisted. Poor kid. He is really short too and talks like speedy gonzalas
I went to the coffee house tonight, My friend was there with her WEIRD boyfriend(all her boyfriends are weird and young) and this guy in my youth group was there, I used to like him but gosh he is such a stuck up "Imsoemo" snob. I get to spend a WHOLE weekend with him and other weird kids. YAY. I will find fun though yes, tracking down hot guys is my specialty...talking to them isn't....but Ya know... anyways this guy I Used to like(ya another one) that ignores me a lot, just came up and started talking to me and apologizing for being a jerk and I about freaked out, he was so nervous and was like overly nice...*shudders* when mean people act nice for the first time ever its weird.
Yeah moving, I really kind of want to but I will miss the few friends I have, the radio station, the concerts, the local thrift store ladies that know my name.
*sigh*
ANYWAYS |
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| OH YEAH |
[Nov. 15th, 2003|10:30 pm] |
| [ | I feel |
| | THRASH!!! | ] |
| [ | I hear |
| | Starflyer59 - unwanted | ] | Those songs I downloaded tonight by Saetia and by city of caterpillar... WELL Heck, I sure was disappointed. This chick said that it was emo-core, so I'm like niiiice. but noooooooo,I open the first one up and its like THRASH-TRASH. I mean I like hardcore, but when you're expecting something DIFFERENT and not this CLANK CLANK *short death scream*DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE(or something like that)...I only listened to 15 seconds of it, I had impulses to throw things so I turned it off before I broke something.
okay my second journal entry of the day. I thought I would express my feelings. Goodnight(dear O dairy) err (diary)
Ah! This guy my new friend likes is sooooooooo hot. Gah, she is showing me his pictures and woah, I'm pathetic drooling over this long haired hottie. She is the luckiest girl. wow. *wink wink* |
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| babble to me O lassie |
[Nov. 15th, 2003|07:15 pm] |
| [ | I feel |
| | !!! | ] |
| [ | I hear |
| | Glass danse- The Faint | ] | I just ate a nice big bowl of chili, well I don't know if I had more chili or cheese.
I don't really remember what happened last night, all I remember is staying up late. This morning I woke up, late as usual, didn't really do much. It's so cold outside, I love it.
I talked to my friend yesterday. She was sick. I feel sorry for her, she gets grounded constantly, I thought I got grounded for dumb things...I was talking to her on the phone and her sister like hit her and she hit her back and they were both laughing (*punch* HAHA YOUR HURT!) and her sister goes and tells her mom she was hurting her and her moms like "THATS SO UNCOOL, YOU'RE GROUNDED FOR ANOTHER 2 WEEKS" Good grits. I've been trying to write this new song on the piano, maybe if knew how to play the piano I would be more succesful.
There is a calibretto concert next weekend. I got all psyched up. It's at the hanger, a really awesome venue, but nooooooooo I'm going to some dumb youth thing. Dates dates dates.
Wee! Don't you just love mp3 sites. I do, other than the fact that they have freakin' pictures of Britney spears everywhere...and in that little ad thing chris carrabba always pops up GEEZ I'm downloading a Saetia song and a song by city of caterpillar. If only if only, the young girl had a fast speed internet and a new computer, then she would be happy. |
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[Nov. 14th, 2003|05:13 pm] |
| [ | I feel |
| | melancholy | ] |
| [ | I hear |
| | Kill Hannah - Boys and girls | ] | It's raining ice. I got out of school at 9:30 today(WHY the heck we went is besides me) I get home, play my piano for a while lay down at 11ish wake up at 2, I think to myself(what a wonderful world?) Maybe I will ride my horse. Oh but no, its 30 degrees or something...and its sleeting. I would rather be cold than hot.
I really wanted to go to kansas wednesday but it didnt happen...I stayed at home and I did homework. Oh wow!
Moving is fun, okay well not always but the thought of moving is very bitter-sweet. Much talk about it in my cold little house. Indiana, northern illinois(kansas? my mom thinks its flat and ugly heh.) well, I still havent gotten the hang of this uh journal thing and I feel so rushed and awkward typing into a little box that says event. I'm used to writing in my little journal with an ink pen. |
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| haligh haligh |
[Nov. 10th, 2003|10:28 pm] |
| [ | I feel |
| | artistic | ] |
| [ | I hear |
| | Bright eyes -Something Vague | ] | My first entry here. Trying to figure things out. Fancy that. This site amuses me. I will write more later. Goodnight. |
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